Getting Thrifty
"When your girl dumps you and you play it off real smooth..."
If your partner's name is Lauren, then you might as well get a tattoo of their name. Once you break up, you can get a bougie Ralph Lauren tattoo and pretend that the relationship never, ever happened. This is way better than a cover-up.
When You Go Into a Coma
"Guess who woke up."
She's awake! Obviously, she was in a pretty intense state of injury but can still make somewhat of a joke out of it. If she can text the whole WhatsApp group chat about it, she's fine!